March 17, 2010 I call bullshit on the stated aims of your group
So in the ‘I call bullshit on your facebook group’s aims’ basket (and it appears this may have to be a regular feature) a friend of mine joined a group allegedly to support single fathers.
Unfortunately it seems a few members seem to think that SUPPORTING single fathers means totally trashing single mothers and generally being misogynist douchebags. There was some SERIOUSLY hateful speech in there.
I was so sad – the friend is a guy fighting against a development in a sacred area – I had kinda thought we had some similar politics and he’d always struck me as far more gentle and thoughtful than most of the guys I knew from the Coast.
Said one woman:
I agree with single dads, they do a much better job @ holding it all together than most women(single or paired), single dads don’t get the same support, benifits, sympathy, & no way near the same compassion, understanding & pats on the back as they should for their exhaustion and calmness of mind, most women won’t cons…ider how much the fathers v their children put up with their shit, complaints, & selfishness cause women think there always right or the best, a single dad wouldn’t starve his child to go on a diet, a single dad wouldn’t abandon his child because he wants a stressfree life, a single dad would consider the care v his child before choosing 2 party hard, my heart n soul goes out to those brave men who are out there on their own good on ya’s, be strong, you CAN do it cause U R already better than anyone else could do 4 yr children. BE PROUD U R THERE 4 THEM through the good the bad & the ugly.
The creator of the group?
The mother of my children will never take resposibility for 2 or her other 3. She would have to be one of themost useless bitches i have ever been drunk enough to be with. My kids are better off never seeing her again.
His sister?
Here, Here, Now to all the single mums after my bro, let it be known! He NO ghetto assed Biatch with Ghetto assed Dreamz
Some other guy?
[Whoops, accidentally repeated earlier quote – I was so agitated by this site – and the overall F/book crap – that I deactivated my account so I’m not going back on to find it – more ‘useless bitch’ stuff]
I can’t even offer any commentary right now other than to ask WHY it is that so many people seem to want men to be respected and they act as though there’s only ONE piece of ‘respect pie’ left and that they’re in a desperate war with women to win it. And funnily enough in a war over/demand for respect their prime tool is utter hatred, vilification and DISRESPECT?
Seriously – that shit is just NASTY.
ETA – that’s it for me and facebook. The guy who’s campaign I’ve been supporting pulled the whole ‘Oh it’s all just opinion, so valid’ crap. SO sick of it. Then of course the sister (someone I knew from school) came on to have a personal dig at me. At which point I heard a ringing in my ears and went for it. I’ve deactivated. Hopefully I won’t get an email from the troll. I’m so angry right now – and also happy – Facebook has been a real energy-sap for a while now and it’s the push I needed to ditch it.
- 5 comments
- Posted under Uncategorized
Fuck Politeness 
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Nicole H
said
I don’t know where to start, except to say that I’ve never joined facebook, purely because there’s a huge lynch-mob lurking on the interwebs, by my judgement of most newsfeeds/blogs/etc I’ve read. I’m trying to keep my mind open, but…..the more I read….the more I wonder how humanity got this far without self-destructing……
Back to topic….
Of course, the single fathers group you are speaking of in todays post may have members who perceive their situations correctly, but really, the facts say that these people are lynching straw (wo)men:
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/lifematters/divorced-men-better-off-but-not-happier-20090707-dbvr.html
Now, I’m not proud of referring readers to SMH, however this article by Adele Horin is the only one which reflects the experiences of the people I know (women AND men).
What bothers me is the women who join the hate groups. Sure, they might want to protect the men they love – don’t we all want to see our loved ones treated fairly, eh? – but there’s always two sides to a story. These women don’t realise that, should they become single mums by divorce, THEY will be subject to the same vitriol, too!
I’ve never had children, but I’ve had enough of women trying to bring other women down. And by that, I mean there’s obviously a difference between men “sledging” each other (in the cricket sense). Anyway, I think we all know what I mean.
It goes without saying that the men in this group aren’t looking at their OWN personal faults and failures. It takes two people to make a relationship work (or not).
The howls of protest have been loud and clear since Adam took a bite of the apple in the garden of Eden (ti was all Eve’s fault, orright?!).
Lara Bingle’s character assasination is another case in point. I just can’t believe that Miranda Devine defended Lara Bingle! Did I dream that? Maybe there is a Goddess, after all.
Sorry for the rant, but yeah, I agree, you SHOULD call bullshit on this group. But HOW do we nip this mysogyny in the bud? Where do we start?
I’m trying to start in my own backyard, by explaining to a man in my circle that his Ex girlfriend didn’t “slap an AVO” on him, but the cops APPLIED for an AVO on her behalf, after the neighbours called the police during one of their domestics. He STILL doesn’t get it (even though the Judge rejected it when they had their day in Court).
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fuckpoliteness
said
Heya – yes the whole ‘she’s evil, I was only with her because I was drunk’ crap was getting to me. That and the fact that their attitudes MUST carry to their children. Don’t get me wrong. My child’s father is irresponsible, he’s self centered and emotionally infantile. I can see why – he did have large trauma in his life – but at the end of the day after you extend understanding and assistance and realise that for some people the misery/the self medicating is easier, even if it’s causing chaos in their lives and the lives of all around them. I get really upset that he can move overseas, pay no child support and ignore the emotional needs of his child as well, but I also take time to ponder my own relationship issues – why DID I allow myself to be treated badly, why DID I have a need to ‘look after’ “broken” men? Why did pity move me to love? How was I going to ensure I had healthier attitudes, passed on healthier attitudes? When I struggled with anger and disappointment (with myself and with him) I worked through it – the emotions weren’t the issue, but neither did I feel the need to explain my own ‘heroism’ by reference to what a ‘fucked up selfish lying slut’ he was! When I try to support single mothers I do it by encouraging THEM in what THEY do, encouraging them to build their own strength, not encouraging facile It’s All Because Of Them rage.
I agree that Bingle’s character assassination is linked – men and women are only to easy to jump on the ‘whore/once a whore always a whore’ bandwagon. The culpability or responsibility of men for their own actions and choices disappears.
Yeah, Devine defended Bingle – did you see at the end though where she managed to allude that it was FEMINISTS fault? That WE’D encouraged women to trade only off their body?
Re how do we nip it in the bud – well my hobby was to go in and report every group/every comment I found as hateful and hope the experience of ‘We’re shutting your group down’ provoked some thought – or at least changed the dynamic of the space. But I realised that I was again trying to fix something broken, something messed up at my own expense – the experience of seeing yet another ‘friend’ join/like some hateful group/comment was just plain exhausting. I’m at the point where I’m thinking about taking a break from blogging too – or blogging on something different.
Good luck with your explanations – I’m afraid I’d find all that too triggering
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Spilt Milk
said
“But I realised that I was again trying to fix something broken, something messed up at my own expense”
This is the conclusion I’m coming to. I have blogged about Facebook, I have spent a lot of time reporting objectionable content, I have ranted to my friends… but it’s all energy I don’t need to expend. I haven’t gotten rid of my account yet, but I’m definitely thinking about it.
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Jet
said
Facebook is the social experiment that disproves that idea that it’s internet annonymity that causes trolling. Clearly … not.
I get quite a few hits from Facebook on my anti-rape blog posts. I always simultaneiously cheer that the anti-rape conversation is going on between Facebook friends, and flinch for the unwelcome discoveries that people are probably right now making about their friends’ attitudes.
I can’t bear to post social activism content to my facebook. I know I’d end up defriending people I like to think are like-minded.
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fuckpoliteness
said
*I can’t bear to post social activism content to my facebook. I know I’d end up defriending people I like to think are like-minded*
Exactly this. In the end I did go back on and ruthlessly cull friends – I culled people I like but talk to outside of that forum, I culled people I added but don’t think much of – I culled and culled and culled until I had a third of the number of friends I had had before. I’m still not going back on for a while though. I need a detox for my brain.