Fuck Politeness

Ok, here I am at work, and I’ve stumbled across Miranda Devines salivating revival of last months’ news – Chicks Should Put Out More.

Despite the fact this shit has been said incessantly for hundreds of years in millions of contexts, right wing neo conservatives seem to think it’s a fucking revolution.

What gets to me right, is that the same fucking suspects are the ones claiming that chicks should just DEAL WITH REALITY, that after a dude has boned them he has little to no interest in them anymore and is busy fantasising about his next wank over a preteen tennis star now that he’s rooted you and you’re spoiled goods. (Sam in the City)

Seriously, how OFTEN have we heard that men’s desire is to ‘kill the elephant’. Once it’s dead, you don’t need to hunt it anymore. Seriously. I hear this shit all the time. Chicks need to deal. Men want to pursue you, but once they’ve rooted you, you’re a dead elephant. NEXT!!

Right. So. There we have it. Men don’t want marriage! Right? They want to bone a succession of hot chicks, and once you’ve had the dick, they have no interest in you. Got that message? NOW: GET ON YOUR KNEES AND LIKE IT BITCH.

So when I hear THIS:

“What makes women think that halfway through the game they can change the rules to suit themselves and expect the male to take it?”

I. JUST. WONDER: You want chicks to put out like when you first met them and if they don’t they changed the rules and NO FAIR.

Well then, let me just ask DO YOU TREAT HER like you did when you were trying to woo her? Ten years into your marriage do you get giddy when you’re going to see her? Do you think of ways to amuse her? Little stories to tell? Do you daydream about how when you’ll get home you’ll slide your hands down her waist and kiss that spot behind her ear that always makes her melt? Do you spend weeks planning her next birthday celebrations? Do you send sexy emails full of promises?

Is she a focal point of your life? Do you find ways to constantly let her know how much she means to you? That she can still make you nervous? That she’s beautiful and desirable? That you think she rocks pretty hard? Do you ensure you come up with ways for you to spend mutually fulfilling time together? To plan dates?

Cos honestly? You’re expecting HER to not change the rules. But you did, didn’t you? When you decided that you and her were ‘done’  dating, that now you’d really rather she shut her yapping face while you cracked a tinny and watched the footie with the blokes?

So Devine thinks she’s *got us* when she says “HA! Men and women spend equal time working when you take into account paid work and housework, so CHICKS HAVE NO EXCUSE”.

Well I’d say it was always about more than the fucking housework. Look around. Women are pretty seriously disrespected in this country (nay, this universe, but when it comes to sexist crap Aussies Do It Better), wives in particular. (And even if it *was* about housework shit, well the dude gets MONEY and RESPECT and ADULT SOCIALISATION and ACHIEVEMENT from paid work whereas when you bust your arse to do the homework and the dude comes home and barely acknowledges it and treats you like an unkempt pet with the sexual attractiveness of a used toilet brush? Not the same) So really, let’s level the playing field here a little.

Before you whinge that chicks ‘changed the rules’ let’s just ask if you’re still playing by the same rules. Cos chaces are she wanted to shag you then because you were charming and paid attention and flirted and joked and gave her time and energy and never talked shit about other hot chicks or how sexless wives are. So if you’re not treating her the same way you did then FUCK OFF with your ‘I’m owed hot sex’  or else she’s changed the fucking rules shit.

Devine’s addtion to the ‘wisdom’ is ‘desire is a choice’. Yeah? So if I gave up on men cos I thought I’d get more love and attention from footwear I could ‘choose’ to get lusty over an old Volley? Desire has to be activated you toolbag. It’s activated by the play between people. (Unless your attitude is the chick should be a preteen porn star for desire to be activated and desire is for the dudes to induce them to lower themselves to root something before rolling over and there again I think we’ve hit on a problem in that this is unlikely to whip up a fervour of enthusiastic lovemaking from the wife).

So in the spirit of what’s good for the goose…let me anticipate that the objection to the above scenario will be ‘Oh but why should men HAVE to act like they still desire her like they used to’ – well DESIRE IS  A CHOICE REMEMBER so get choosy with it! If you wanna argue that we have to then you fucking have to too.

So let’s just ask this: do these men still pursue their women as if they were dating? Cos that’s when the chicks decided to shag them. Otherwise…is not that false advertising?? Did not THEY change the rules? Oh, this logic can go both ways dudes!

See the thing is, I reckon if you’re going into a long term relationship it should really be cos you’re well into the other person. If it’s not, please for the love of fuck, break up with them and move the fuck on. Because if you ARE really into them, if you think they’re pretty fucking awesome, if you remember to REMEMBER that, if you invest in making them feel like the sexiest being to walk the earth, if you invest time in making sure you get the time you need together, then really that pays off. If it doesn’t and things aren’t working – LEAVE.

Let’s just stop and take a moment here. Marriage (with the occassional long term monogamous live in relationship) seems to be the thing that unites these complaints.

Apparently outside of this type of relationship women can go ‘WOOOHOOO’  again over sex. So…did anyone stop to ask whether maybe (since apparently men abhor marriage and chicks just *do* stop having sex) marriage or monogamy was the problem?

Marriage the institution that has treated women as chattel? Marriage the institution designed to provide men with meals, a housekeeper, sproggins that he just has to bounce a ball with to be considered a superhero while Mum’s just a worn out old nag? Marriage that provides men with a substitute to their hand to keep them warm at nights and just like their hand they don’t have to spend any time at all ensuring the woman feels desired and appreciated in order to claim their dues?

Marriage which says it’s A-o-fucking-k to deride women, to rank and compare the hotness of All Those Chicks I am NOT Married To in front of wife/kids/family/friends…whenever and wherever, marriage where you joke about sexless shrew nagging bitch wives? Marriage the institution that men LOVE to whine about, LOVE to act like it’s a prison sentence? Marrige the institution compared unfavourably with slow and painful death?

Cos I’ve got to tell you that if I fell head over heels for someone who lit up when they saw me, then we got married or shacked up and somewhere along the line they just stopped. Just stopped, stopped seeing me, stopped respecting me, stopped caring how I felt? If I spent years with that someone and heard him making tired and shitty jokes about going back home to the prison warden, if I heard him talk as if it really didn’t matter if I was there or not, if I heard him think it was ok to talk about how fucking hot some teenage kid was in front of me, and saw reflected that he saw me as sexless, frumpy, nothing to him and just a convenience or a habit and then he expected me to roll over and let him ‘give it to me’? I’d not only NOT want to shag him, I think I’d want to scream in his face that he was a self absorbed bastard with his head up his arse and that staying was killing me – and potentially would daydream about a cartoon-style smack to the face with a shovel replete with ‘boiioiioiing’ noise and face imprint.

I’d like to think I’d be OUT OF THERE if I’d tried to address it and the Other had refused to engage or work on it. But I can see how stuck people get. And women’s financial dependance is STILL a very real issue. As is women’s upbringing that says they should stay, they should care for everyone, they shouldn’t expect more, what do they think they’re some kind of princess?

Again, let me anticipate the objection: OH but MEN have this experience too! Should they leave? Well, ideally what I’d like is to see both parties making an effort. If it’s still not working for one, then yes, I’d advise that ending a relationship is better than staying and despising them. The point is that if people made and maintained an effort from the beginning this may not happen. And the other point is that even when we’re told men HATE marriage, it destroys them, it sends them broke, it’s hell, it’s prison and women change the rules then WHY does no one say ‘Down With Marriage!’? No no, easier to blame the chicks.

Argh. I’ve run out of steam here and am just sad again.

Anyway, so if we’re going to be banging on about Evil Chicks Who Change the Rules, well what’s good for the gander is good for the goose right? If you want to whinge about women changing the rules, well pony up boys, are YOU still playing by the same rules? If not maybe we need a different kind of conversation whereby A LOT needs to change, not just chicks putting out more.

Tags: Bettina Arndt, men 'owed' hot sex just for having a penis!, Miranda Devine, women not 'owed' anything