Fuck Politeness

Well I had no idea that Channing Tatum burned his dick trying to keep warm (??) but the SMH is running a story to warm the cockles of the heart (but not the already cooked cock because warmth and burned skin are not a happy combo): Channing says his recently flambèd disco stick is in full working order again!

Well I for one am feeling immense relief and am glad to hear this happy little (no, no, I’m sure it’s adequate Channing) Easter Miracle – just as I was despairing of the state of the world I have a piece of happy news of international significance to focus on.

Tatum had the following to say about his recovery:

“My penis is doing well. I burned it very badly but thankfully there was no scarring and is working well. I’m back on top – literally!”

(I just threw up a little in my mouth. My he’s a manly man isn’t he? Back on top in his natural position of manly authority)

While I’m happy for he and his cock, I did get a little shirty at his vacuous celebrity philosophising:

“I’m happy with my looks and what my parents gave me. I don’t feel like an object because only you can make yourself feel like an object.“

Au contraire mon frère! Perhaps as a dudely man with a large (if slightly toasted) member only you can make you feel like an object, but the testimony of thousands, nay millions of women and girls is that other people have frequently and effectively made them feel like an object even when they themselves don’t consider themselves an object and know they are more than simply an object.

Speaking for myself the first time I was sexually harrassed (at 13 years old, all skinny, shy and clad in baggy overalls) on the street (by a group of bikies) I indeed felt that despite my furious resisitance they made me feel like an object quite effectively.

So I wish you well with your wounded member, but PLEASE shut the fuck up.

Tags: Channing Tatum's "hot dog", Channing Tatum's cock doing fine, happy news for toasted cock, you really should have just put on a jumper