Are you in any way SHITTING me?

“This is a revolution, not a public relations movement”

March 10, 2011 Are you in any way SHITTING me?

TRIGGER WARNINGS!

In a news story about an eleven year old girl gang raped by up to EIGHTEEN MEN (and presumably boys/adolescents since some were in high school) the two quotes included in the story about the effects on the community are these:

”It’s just destroyed our community,” said Sheila Harrison, 48, a medical worker at a local hospital who says she knows several of the defendants. ”These boys have to live with this the rest of their lives.”

Do you think that any one of them could have thought of this before they decided to rape a child for shits and giggles and FILM IT? I don’t actually CARE at this point. I understand that if one of them ever actually develops a shred of humanity/empathy/conscience they might FEEL BAD for having raped a child, but you know what? Fucking FEEL BAD, because you raped a child. You collaborated with your mates to gang rape a child and film it. So keep on feeling bad.

Has this quote been taken out of context, or is it in any way possible that Sheila Harrison has decided to focus her angst and sympathy on the rapists in this scenario, and not, say on the eleven year old child who was just gang raped?

The second quote was from the school district’s spokeswoman with:

”It’s devastating, and it’s really tearing our community apart,” the spokeswoman said. ”I really wish that this could end in a better light.”

It can’t. It’s the gang rape of a child by up to eighteen men and teenage boys. How can it possibly end in any good light? What ‘light’ is there to change what is just a heinous heinous crime? I wish it could have NEVER BEGUN. I wish that the community had been able to I don’t know, run programs on respect for girls and women, on sexual violence, I wish a whole bunch of things, but they don’t involve wishing THIS could ‘end in a better LIGHT’ but that it had never fucking happened, that it wouldn’t happen, that we lived in a different society, that this was discussed, and aired, and challenged, and responsibility taken and boys and men challenged for every disrespectful attitude BEFORE, so that it didn’t happen. And as for those boys…well I *wish* I could beleive that any of them had enough human empathy to be ABLE to feel bad, but I don’t care about soothing that self blame. They can live with it, they can live with their choices, and frankly my sympathy goes out to the girl who has to live with *their* choices.

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Permalink # Pirra said

A hearty FUCK YES to every thing you just said. I still feel ill and incredibly angry about the treatment of this girl and her mother.
I mean, I noted the ‘community’ was concerned about why this child wasn’t being supervised by her mother, why weren’t those boys/men being supervised by theirs? (Where were they while this was happening? It’s all good and well to sit in judgement and ask how her mother could have let this happen instead of how a community could allow this to happen.) No one thinks to ask “who taught our young men that behaviour of this type is anything but highly illegal and repugnant on so many levels? Who taught our young men that raping an 11 year old girl is just something to do with your mates on a boring weekend? What kind of upbringing did THOSE young men recieve?”

But no. Instead we blame the girl for ‘drawing the men into raping her’ and we blame her mother because ‘where was she while her daughter was lost in The Quaters?’

People are assholes. And those young men….I can’t even articulate what they are.

And as for Ms.Harrison, whether or not her quote was used out of context her sympathy is still with the rapists and NOT with the person who actually deserves the sympathy. Whether she meant they would have to live with that guilt or not doesn’t make her quote any less about preserving the status quo of rape culture. Her intentions may not have been to excuse the accused for their crime because of the remorse they “might” feel, but that’s exactly what that kind of thinking is. And it needs to be called on and it needs to fucking change.
Permalink # fuckpoliteness said

Hi Pirra…yes, a focus on where was her mother/why wasn’t she there to protect her treats children’s bodies (female childrens at least) as some sort of rape-magnet. I’m having trouble putting my finger on this because in some sense a ‘community’ can’t know everything/stop everything…but it’s what happens after that says something about the willingness of residents to really take seriously the issues/see them clearly. So in Newcastle after the rape and murder of Leigh Leigh there were similarly outrageous comments, in the community and in the case itself, of casting the rapists as ‘gentle giants’ and saying things like ‘boys will be boys’. I’m not sure how much you can truly prevent all evil, but if you’re not examining it after it happens and confronting what is at the basis of it, if you’re blaming the victim and supporting the rapists then you know you are in effect condoning it/ casting it a a freakish aberration rather than confronting that men/boys appear to feel entitled and to feel a hatred towards women and girls and that *that* is your only real hope of confronting and undoing this.

Now…I had two comments from a ‘Jane’. These comments appear to be of the persuasion that this community ought to be turned on with physical violence. I can’t really publish it Jane. I get what you are saying: sometimes the anger is so great, the feeling of the problems being ignored, the feeling that girls and women continue to get sacrificed so no one has to have an ‘uncomfortable’ conversation, the frustration with having to be ‘nice/polite/calm’ as a woman discussing these things. But I can’t advocate/publish calls for violence. And I hope that doesn’t make you even angrier. It’s just that I was up all night thinking about a story I’d just heard of family violence. Violence used by a woman, violence used by a man, violence kids were exposed to and affected by. No. Violence used as vengeance or control only begets more violence. What’s wrong with this world isn’t a need to ‘harden up’ but the continuous cycles of anger and violence (in my opinion). I’m not saying don’t feel fury about this…it’s just that this happens in LOTS of communities, not just this one. Yes, rape culture has to stop, but I can’t see how extreme acts of violence, as some kind of vigilante tactic are going to make things better. The only violence I can really condone is violence in self defence.
Permalink # Pirra said

You’re right in that a community cannot prevent all evil, but this community is, by their very words, condoning this evil and diminishing the acts of those young men in a matter that places the blame on the victim and her upbringing.

At some point, these young men decided this type of behaviour was acceptable.

We glean our value systems not just from our parents but from the community we are living within.

Something went very wrong with the value system of those young men. But nowhere does the article or the townspeople question their upbringing.

And I agree wholeheartedly about the violence thing. That is not the answer. I get that people are speaking shit from shock. However, the fact that every single quote from that township was in defense of those young men….anger is the right response, but violence is not.
Permalink # fuckpoliteness said

Yeah, I wasn’t trying to ‘correct’ you or anything (and it’s not sounding like you’re saying I am). I get the stuff about the community. I guess it’s just that it’s sort of larger than any one community I think – but then I go back to what you’re saying, that the community responses (although we’ve only seen one or two) often tend to be a smoothing over, an explanation, an identification with *something* of the horror, but not of the horror experienced by the child, a focus on how it’s ‘just sad’ as if it ‘just happens’, or a tendancy to treat it as a shocking one off and not at all linked with power and class and gender and culture and violence and disrespect and, and, and…you know. There’s very little feedback that says ‘Well holy crap, this sort of aggression, oppression and abuse of children/girls/women has to stop, what can we unpack from this, what drives men and boys to do this, what can we change so it doesn’t happen’ instead of ‘these boys will have to live with this’ as if it was just a sort of accidental thing they got ‘caught up in’, a ‘whoopsy daisy’ moment. And you know, we ALL have to live with our choices, so let’s talk about what is going on that men/boys would ever DREAM of engaging in this sort of behaviour, about why it is almost always against women and children or trans* folk, or people with limited mobility or in vulnerable situations. When it is predominantly done by boys and men what is it about masculinity and how can we stop it, not just ‘Oh no, these boys will have to live with their choices’.
Permalink # Pirra said

Yes. It is bigger than any one community. Which is just shitty. In so many ways. Thing is, this is where change must begin, community by community.

And even though I know it’s wishful thinking that THIS community could take these horrific events to pause, reflect and instigate real change by saying this is not good enough, How did we let our sons violate one of our daughters so horrifically and start to pick at the seams of rape culture until we manage to erradicate it, there’s a part of me that just screams BULLSHIT we can’t make this change. As human beings we CAN make these changes. We just have to WANT to change.

(Were you as sick as I was to notice that these rape culture comments were made by women? Why, as women, do we continue to excuse our boys and men of this kind of behaviour? Why do we, the victims, victimise each other?)
Permalink # fuckpoliteness said

I wonder sometimes whether it’s a defence mechanism for women to avoid thinking about the fact that women and girls are victimised? To avoid confronting the fear etc? I don’t know…

Yeah I know, I get myself horribly confused by thinking through how people live, the things they do to one another, the things they justify and that I can see that it is possible to change things, and that some people do, but…

I think I’m a bit too wiped out by stories of violence to be coherent at the moment!
Permalink # Pirra said

I suspect we’re actually thinking very similar thoughts. We can see the issue, even various ways to address and change the issues, but the implementation….that’s where we stumble because the implemantation relies so heavily on other people doing the implementing.

I know how you feel with regards to feeling wiped out by the violence. My anger is yet to diminish, but it’s draining me and making coherence and articulation just that little harder than normal!
Permalink # fuckpoliteness said

Yes, I would say we are saying/thinking similar things. I guess where I *worry* a point it’s where I’m concerned about what I’m saying and whether it’s exactly what I’m trying to say or not. (?)

And yes, the anger is quite energising for a while. And then there is just exhausted sadness. 😦
Permalink # David Grice aka Gravey said

So very well said. What I find most disturbing of all is that I am not overly surprised.

Fucking angry, disappointed, maybe even hateful. The idea that “How terrible this is to happen to our community” is just beyond words.

I can understand people wanting to do harm to the offenders. Like, I guess, most people, I have feelings of wanting to do considerable harm to the offenders, maybe even to those who support them like this. But as you’ve said, it is important to not let those feelings drive us.

While I might feel an urge of vengeance, what is far far more important is understanding how these things happen, and prevent them from happening again. And that is one of the reasons why it is so exhausting – it takes energy to put the conditioned response to one side.

Why do people excuse this sort of behaviour? Maybe it is because if they are to do the right thing and be outraged by this, to lay the blame where it belongs, they would have to look at themselves and ask how their behaviour contributes to the culture that gives rise to such abhorrent behaviour.

I really do think that this is the core of it. To smooth over things like this means we don’t have to look at ourselves.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but my observation is that there is a shared outlook. I.. we have looked deep inside ourselves. We know the darkness that resides within, and choose to act in a way that fights against rape culture with every breath we have.

If just one or two people in communities like this one in Texas can be inspired to follow suit, then at least some gains have been made.
Permalink # fuckpoliteness said

Thanks David. Yeah, I understand that initial furious impulse. When I heard about the gang rape of the female journalist in Egypt I just suddenly had this ‘fucking execute all of them’ moment. I think because I had seen that as a moment of celebration, and I was just astonished that people could be so brutal to a woman just off the cuff, and in a moment of historic celebrations…I don’t know what triggered it but I wanted them DEAD. But I don’t support capital punishment, and I don’t support vigilante violence so I’ve had to work through it. While I understand it the comments I didn’t put up called for some fairly graphic, specific forms of violence/torture that I just can’t stomach when it’s exactly what I’m railing against in the first place.
Permalink # Nic said

@David. I think that’s a good point about people not wanting to have a look at themselves, whether they contributed to the attitudes behind the behaviour. I also think, for women like Sheila Harrison, that it’s easier to blame the victim for being raped, rather than thinking “shit, that could have happened to ME!”. Either way, it’s faulty thinking.
Permalink # David Grice aka Gravey said

I think it is just the anger. Like you, I cannot support capital punishment, and find vengeance destructive – especially for the person seeking it.

We get hit – out instinct is to hit back, to defend ourselves. So the instinct to “kill them all” is really our protective instincts – protecting the vulnerable from the predator.

But, in short, we know better. And violence against one is violence against all. No person is an island unto themselves (paraphrased to make it gender-neutral).

It’s something I really love about so much I have read in these forums. The very approach you give here.

I understand how incredibly hard it can be – vengeance is a powerful emotion. But to realise that putting those personal feelings aside and focus on how we can deal with the real problem ….

And even then it is easy for me to say this, coming from a position of extreme privilege.

Thanks again for this.
Permalink # isme said

In the version I had first read, http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/09/us/09assault.html?_r=1&hp there is a (brief) mention of questioning what had gone wrong with the perpetrators…sort of.

I have trouble accepting that sort of thing, though, because it seems dangerously close to avoiding blaming those people for what they chose to do. It’s a step up from blaming the victim, I guess, though.
Permalink # Down Under Feminist Carnival #35 | Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony said

[…] young or too overpowered to be the slutty trouble-maker. Fuck Politeness points out that, as usual, public sympathy is focusing on the welfare of the 18(!) men and boys, whose lives are now ruined, ruined! Spilt Milk : “Is it really too much to ask of the media […]
Permalink # M. F. McAuliffe said

Teach all girls self-defence.

That won’t stop a concerted attack, but it would make an attack physically damaging enough to change the mental context of the situation among the members of the attacking group. Would change the risk-assessments for them, too.

As for rape-culture… It appalls me that things seem to be worse even than they were. Even in 1st-World democracies it seems to me that women are in some sense essentially *farmed*.

There are so many large forces making it so, so many fortunes to be made from having it so… Have just finished reading an article about The Australian by Robert Manne (Quarterly Essay) – but the thing about these huge uber-corporations and their influence – they are becoming ripe for disintegration.

Like freeways they were built & taken for signs of dominance, but are actually, ultimately, signs of fragility.

I have just discovered your blog, incidentally, and am grateful for your ability to dig your heels in, examine the question and not let it go, to follow the logic of your experience and so reveal the horrific social assumptions that have been described to us as normal for so long under neoliberal economics…
Permalink # doubleantandre said

I’ve held off on publishing this for a little while – it’s the ‘teach all girls self-defence’ thing. Particularly in the context of a ten year old girl who was raped by eighteen men. I don’t think it would have changed their ‘risk assessment’ one bit had she been taught how to ‘fight back’. I’m not being hostile to *you* here, just getting to what I think about the idea – but I think of all the reasons that rapists rape, and why they frequently target children etc, is not necessarily because of the physical ‘weakness’ or an idea that they’ll come out of it ‘unscathed’ but because of power dynamics and the way those people (women, children, people with disabilities) are frequently not taken seriously/easily ‘discredited’. Even if that weren’t true, I was thinking about force/resistance the other day. To be perfectly honest if I found myself in a situation where it appeared I was going to be raped I think that I would withdraw and just be as still as I could until it was over. That doesn’t mean it’s ‘consent’. You can’t ‘consent’ to be raped. And a strategy to minimize harm to yourself does not convert rape to ‘sex’. Sex is something I actively do because I want to. Anyway. I guess that I thought that’s another horror I haven’t thought through – that I would be doubted if my response was to withdraw into myself and try to minimise my physical and psychological injury because people not involved would equate that with ‘consent’. While I appreciate that you probably didn’t mean it to go into those things I just…thought that no, actually, it probably won’t change anyone’s risk assessment, and even though I know how to fight back I may not, preferring to try to avoid if possible further violence/name calling etc.

Having said that I’m not trying to make you unwelcome here, just to let you know why I held off on publishing the comment for so long. And that I just don’t feel comfortable with that part of the comment.

I just don’t know that that makes a difference…I was thinking about this on the train the other day. If I was being raped I think I would be so terrified that I would just stay very still and wait for it to be over. And I’ve
Permalink # M. F. McAuliffe said

Thanks for your thoughts and reply.

Clearly in this instance any kind of self-defence would have been overwhelmed. I was trying to get at one of the roots of the power dynamic you point out – women are dominated physically, and taught to be, from the time they are born. It’s one of the ways in which they are made to be, and taught to be, victims.

One of the aspects of the power that women & children do not have is physical autonomy and the ability to defend it.

Giving them a way to defend their autonomy is the only way I can see to start putting an end to women being treated as cattle, and children being treated even worse.

I am not speaking of vengeance, here, but of establishing a greater equality of person-hood.