Vote Tony Abbott: he needs the chance to kill

February 22, 2010 Vote Tony Abbott: he needs the chance to kill

Ok…I *understand* it’s all an attempt at ‘larrikin humour’/ a political ploy to appeal to the ‘unwashed masses’ and shake off his UberChristian reputation. But Mr Abbott has attempted to block laws that affect womens’ lives because he’s attached to the ‘biblical views’* on sex and life. He wanted RU486 to be unobtainable by Australian women, and came up with all kinds of bullshit ‘reasons’ for this when in reality he’s made his views on abortion pretty clear – he’s ‘worried’ about ‘Abortion culture’ and the ‘downstream consequences of sexual freedom”, he sees abortion as ‘destroying unborn babies’, and as the result of promiscuity. He champions abstinence, and the guarding (and subsequent ‘gifting’) of virginity. Female virginity that is. It’s a preoccupation apparently of both Abbott and his God that girls don’t enjoy Teh Seks on their own terms but only within limited and limiting rules. (STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUNG GIRLS AND THEIR SEXUALITY, BOTH OF YOU! PERVS!!)

So let’s see. Because of his beliefs, he sees human life as sacred. So sacred that he sees any embryo or foetus aborted as murder, as ‘destroying an unborn baby’. Life is PRECIOUS no? Because the Lord HIS God said so.

So what the fuck is up with his dickswinging, populist crap in this article (hat tip to Brendan for putting this in a public forum and getting me all pissed off this morning)? Abbott’s giving up fucking for Lent. He wants everyone to know that he’s a man and thinks that fucking is tops. Totally tops. Between a man and his wife. And between a man and that other chick he dragged into the limelight a while back but you know, shhh, it’s a gift to be shared only in marriage. But anyway, he’s giving it up – though he’s not home enough to get much – haw haw. But while we’re on the topic of Lent and all, he’s NOT such a big Christian dork ok? He’ll use the bible to interfere with women’s lives and infer that they’re whores who bring trouble on themselves and get out of it by murdering babies willy nilly, but DUDE, he’s COOL: he breaks ALL the commandments. Except the ‘murder one’…and THAT’S just cos he hasn’t had the chance yet! Haw haw.

So Abbot has let’s see? Totes disrespected his folks cos he’s COOL – he’s blasphemed and worshipped false idols, he’s lied his arse off about all kinds of crap, he’s stolen, he’s fucked around and he’s wanted to shag his next door neighbour’s wife. But he’s not killed yet. Only cos the chance hasn’t presented itself. So these all important moral codes that society should live by? That he’s so concerned about? He just pissed all over them for a quick burst of popularity. He both wants to wax lyrical over how society should apply the handbrakes lest we all get washed down the sinful river of promiscuity and end up in hell AND to mock his God and his God’s rules. I DEFINITELY think we should vote for a man who uses religion to push an agenda and simultaneously proves how cool he is by publicly mocking the tenets of that same religion, for a man who can’t figure out how to iron on his own but has to be explicitly taught at the age of 47 (cos running a country has to be easier) and who casually admits to ‘bearing false witness’ and who grins in playful banter about how he would have killed but just hasn’t had the opportunity yet. I’d definitely trust him with big decisions and laws.

*HIS interpretation of ‘biblical views’. I’m no fan of the bible but I’ve actually met people who’ve studied for a long time and read it with contextual understanding of language, culture and Hebrew narrative traditions which lead to a more nuanced and less rigid understanding of what the bible ‘means’ and/or how it can guide behaviour and beliefs. Not everyone is a Tony Abbott about it.