February 11, 2010 John Mayer’s ill-fated campaign to be seen as NOT a douche-bag
“I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly,” the SMH article quotes Mayer as saying.
So in keeping with the aim of trying NOT to be seen as a douche bag, Mayer decided to tell everyone his penis is “sort of like a white supremacist”.
Yes…that’s what he said.
I’m trying to find the interview in Playboy so I can read it myself. He’s allegedly used a racial slur (which, hell if he’s happy to announce his cock is a White Supremacist, it would not surprise me to learn he’s capable of further racism). I’m at work right now so I may not be able to read the interview itself.
Oh…okay wow. I found it.
MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.
PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.
Well good job on showing people you aren’t a douche bag Mayer! Shiii-iiit!!
You’re an arrogant, stupid, ignorant, bigoted, racist, sexist douche bag!
Please…WHEN will stupid people stop trying to talk as though their own profundity WEIGHS THEM DOWN!??
John Mayer, I don’t think you’re a douche bag because you dated some chicks and then didn’t. I think you’re a whining little dick – I think your music sucks, I think you want to be seen as some profound thinker and you’re just regurgitating all the worst cliches and are astounded that the world doesn’t scream their worship of you for it. And now I think you’re a bigoted little dick. Stop blaming your COCK for your racism.
Ugh. This guy makes me ill on so many levels. Let’s close with this little charmer shall we:
I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops. It’s been so long since I’ve taken a random girl home. I don’t want to have to submit myself for approval. I don’t want to audition. I’d rather come home and edge my shit out for 90 minutes. At this point, before I can have sex I need to know somebody. Unless she’s a 14 out of 10.
Oh…no, wait. I accidentally read more, vomited a little more and had to share the pain:
PLAYBOY: At this point, what’s your ideal relationship?
MAYER: Here’s what I really want to do at 32: fuck a girl and then, as she’s sleeping in bed, make breakfast for her. So she’s like, “What? You gave me five vaginal orgasms last night, and you’re making me a spinach omelet? You are the shit!” So she says, “I love this guy.” I say, “I love this girl loving me.” And then we have a problem. Because that entails instant relationship. I’m already playing house. And when I lose interest she’s going to say, “Why would you do that if you didn’t want to stick with me?”
Because us chicks. We really do speak like that. And excuse me if I feel dubious that Mayer could give a girl ONE solid orgasm ‘vaginal’ or otherwise when he’s just so busy making ardent love to himself.
WHOA. HOLY FUCKING SHIT! STOP reading FP:
PLAYBOY: Why do you do it? (continuing earlier quote, ie/ WHY do you make the fucking omelette to make her love you if making her love you is a problem for you because you don’t want her love? Just her adoration?)
MAYER: Because I want to show her I’m not like every other guy. Because I hate other men. When I’m fucking you, I’m trying to fuck every man who’s ever fucked you, but in his ass, so you’ll say “No one’s ever done that to me in bed.”
So basically you’re saying it’s got shit all to do with the woman you’re in bed with. It’s some kind of macho (but oddly homo-erotic…well actually, not EROTIC at all, you want to ‘fuck them in the ass’ which is usually macho speak for I’m a raging homophobe who uses rape analogies as metaphor for the ultimate punishment) pissing contest? You’re fucking us as a vehicle TO be fucking your real goal – other men. For the real aim. To show you’re better. Than them. Than us. Than everyone. By ‘fucking them in the arse’ seemingly as ‘punishment’/assertion of hatred/assertion of domination and superiority. DUDE you have problems!
And WOW. Last quote I promise since my head will explode from rage if I read any more. Without further ado, I give you his disgustning homophobia…congratulations, you have won bigotry bingo Mayer!
PLAYBOY: Among the things we’ve read about you online is this: You’re gay. Have you ever kissed a man?
MAYER: The only man I’ve kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica at the time, and I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody—almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.
Yeah ALMOST as if you hated ‘fags’. You bigoted little piece of dirt. Douche bag is far too good a word for you.
Tags: celebrity shitheads strike again, how MUCH to you want to spew on this guys noggin?, John Mayer being a 'not douchehound', John-5-Vaginal-Orgasms-and-a-spinach-Omelette-Mayer, what a raging cock
- 22 comments
- Posted under Uncategorized
Permalink #
Mindy
said
Is he on drugs? Or maybe an undiagnosed illness? Something going on there.
Snaps to you FP for wading through that. I don’t know how you do it some days!
Permalink #
fuckpoliteness
said
Oh MINDY!!! I mean really, I don’t know if you got all the way to the Perez Hilton bit…I kept ‘updating’ and closing, and then reading more and going WHAT???? YOU REALLY FUCKING SAID THAT?
This is the thing though, I don’t think there’s an ‘illness’ – plenty of people with a mental illness manage not to be hateful bigots. I think he’s simply a terrible manifestation of privilege and entitlement. YUCK!!
Permalink #
attack_laurel
said
Oh, Dear God.
He is every white middle class college boy who thinks he has all the answers, but knows he needs to be modest about it, because then he can accept all the accolades he knows he so richly deserves with a humble chick-melting smile.
In other words, MEGA douchebag.
Permalink #
fuckpoliteness
said
The more I think about this the more outraged I become. My PENIS is a white supremacist? Yeah, my ELBOW is a bit of a bigot too. It’s tough when a tiny part of your body has attitudes you find abhorrent…but heck, at least you get to blame all your flaws on them. Next time I get a shitty performance review at work for not completing enough I’m going to say ‘I’m sorry, but my clitoris is a real bludger!’
Permalink #
fuckpoliteness
said
It’s sincerely vomit-inducing isn’t it?
Permalink #
Keshi
said
Wow I always thought John Mayer’s songs were a bit wankey – and now I know why!
You summed it up so well FP which is good because I have no words right now.
Permalink #
The Intelligentleman
said
“It’s tough when a tiny part of your body has attitudes you find abhorrent…”
Sounds familiar… I think that means he’s supposed to cut it off – http://www.biblestudymanuals.net/mk9v50.htm
Another worrying bit about cutting I found while searching for the above:
http://www.ao-cs.com/~regan/quotes/Bible.html
Permalink #
fuckpoliteness
said
“taketh him by the secrets”?? HOOoo-BOY! That is a quote I’ll be using on a regular basis! 🙂
Now that I’m over the mirth of ‘taketh him by the secrets’…sigh. What’s with religion and bits-lopping? 😦
Yes, I did think about offering to lop it off for him, I mean you know, otherwise it’ll be tough for him living with such a conflict between his heart and his rebellious bigoted hate-filled cock…all comes back to my theory that the world would be a better place if penises were detachable/attachable by velcro. No painful maiming, just phwwwtt ‘You can have this back when you GROW UP!’
Permalink #
Mindy
said
No I missed the Perez Hilton bit the first time around. I think he has some issues he needs to work through there. Like maybe he is attracted to men as well as women.
Permalink #
fuckpoliteness
said
Well I wouldn’t think that was an ‘issue’. What strikes me as ‘issue-like’ about it is the hate with which he discusses this stuff: “I hate men…I’m fucking them. In the arse” and “almost as if I hated fags”. I don’t think the ‘attraction’ is the issue but the level of hate he seems to associate with sex/men/homosexuality…as well as his complete inability to conceive of the woman he’s having sex with as a person who matters at all, let alone in that act. Ugh.
Permalink #
Alison
said
Wow. Someone will punch him soon, I’m sure.
I trust his parents will headdesk over this, even if he is physically 32.
Permalink #
Meg Thornton
said
I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y.
Is this guy seriously saying he thinks he is an adverb?
…
No, really, does this guy seriously think he is an English-language adverb? If this is the case, there is need for some serious therapy, presumably to remedy his profound case of cranio-rectal inversion.
Permalink #
The Black Cat
said
What the shit is wrong with this guy?
Permalink #
Rachel @ Musings of An Inappropriate Woman
said
When I was a teenager, I co-wrote a song called You Make Me Want To Puke. This seems a fitting time to bring it out.
Incidentally, I was also in a band named, of all things, ‘Very’.
Thank you FP for reading through that drivel to share with us.
Permalink #
FertileFem
said
This is the best thing I’ve read all day (your post, not the interview)!
Permalink #
fuckpoliteness
said
Well, it’s only 9:36 a.m, there’s still time for you to read something better! ;p
Thanks though…his attitude just staggers me.
Permalink #
newswithnipples
said
What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He’s 32, not 17.
And as I recall, saying things are “very” is from Heathers.
Permalink # John Mayer sucks even more than his music does « the news with nipples said
[…] Fuck Politeness has said everything that needs to be said about him: John Mayer’s ill-fated campaign to be seen as not a douche-bag. […]
Permalink #
Sabina
said
I think I’m a little bit in hate with you for drawing to my attention this scrotum-wart who had up until now just been a vaguely annoying song (singular – not a clue what he’s ever done before or after that ‘Wonderland’ thing). Now I’m cross at someone that is just soooooo last decade!
Permalink #
stonefawx
said
how sad. just, how incredibly fucking sad. the total inability to see outside his own ego combined with an apparently insatiable appetite for shock-based attention.
V-E-R-Y, dude.
Permalink #
Bingle
said
Whoever compiled this trash was an asshole, who is incapable of irony and sarcasm.
It is clearly fueled by the typical
“John Mayer is a rich and famous pop-musician, and thus I am required for some reason to hate him” mindset.
All in all, with the way that man can put on a show, and play the guitar, he can say whatever the fuck he wants, to whoever the fuck he wants.
Permalink #
fuckpoliteness
said
No Bingle no one has that much talent that they can say what they want without others having the right to call their bullshit and bigotry. Certainly not that little douchebag. I’d just like to add (cos it’s true and also because I delight in how much it will piss you off) that his music is vomit inducing. You could bring Cobain back from the grave and if he started up with that shit I’d call him a douchebag, but this little piss ant? I will say whatever the fuck I please actually.