January 31, 2010 Karaoke and cougars
Ok, there are no connections between the two subjects in the header – no I’m not calling the Hoydens I went karaoke-ing with last night ‘cougars’. It’s just I went to karaoke last night and I wanted to quickly rant about how much I hate the word ‘cougar’ as I just saw an article ‘on’ “Cougars” in the SMH.
I’m just wanting to say how *very* much I hate the word ‘cougar’ and its ugly derision of women. It just encapsulates so much in two syllables. That women over 20 should not be sexual, sexually available or ‘on the prowl’. In fact women should not really be on the prowl or sexually available to whomever *they* want to go home with at *any* age, they should be property of men and ‘dole it out’ only in *that* context – ‘gifting’ it Tony Abbott style. Ok those last five words made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
That women over 30 should rightly be married off and being dutiful wives. Then men can continue to joke about wives/no sex/women as ball-and-chain. If they reject this (or bounce back when they’re rejected by men for younger women) and go out and embrace their freedom to pick up when and how they please HOW will the patriarchal order survive. So quick. We need a word to show that we disapprove of their morals AND to show that they repulse us with their non-teenage sexuality. Yuck ladies! You old cows aren’t supposed to get horny. Unless it’s in my porn ok.
That women over 25 are not legitimately single, nor should they ever be considered legitimately sexually attractive – if we let women over thirty feel sexy then we’d send the message that adult women can have a sexuality and it’s not a *thing* we can just staple mentally to the nearest child/teenager and then the fabric of the universe will unravel and chicks will start to realise it’s all a bit fucked up really, do things their own way and then who’ll wash our socks?
Women over 25 shouldn’t be out in public and ready for sex with people they don’t know. It’s wrong that these women should be out on the town dressed up and looking for action when they’re wife/mother age. Fulfill your destiny please ‘cougars’ and stop being shameful creatures of prey: get back in the kitchen, make me some pie, and pop out some sprogs.
All of this implying of course that younger women *should* be out and sexually attractive and free, and ignores the fact that male culture still brands *these* girls as sluts and responsible for any sexual assault doled out by thugs.
And what is the male equivalent? What is the name for a guy over 25 or oh my god 30 who goes out, who dares to show his haggard old face in a nightclub, or at a party or at a work function, and who lurks around when there are single carefree young women out for a dance and a fun night hoping some hot young chick will see his beautiful soul and go home with him? Oh…just…a dude. Give him a hi-five if he scores some 20 year old action, nicely played! But a woman? Well she needs some disparaging animal name to show just how disgusting it all is.
Anyway. Cougar shit aside.
Last night was karaoke-ing with the Hoydens and TBO wanted to know if we’d all be blogging about it. Three hours of a karaoke room passed very quickly and in a blur of dodgy song-prompts, lyrical misquotes, ‘ironic’ performances of Barbie Girl/Single Ladies (I had it in mind that more people would know this song and could get into some whacky Beyonce-Robot dancing with me but no)/Someone to Watch Over Me and of course laughter and alcohol. Oh yes, and a rickroll. 🙂 Was a good evening out and we should do it more often. Perhaps we ought to reclaim the word ‘cougar’ for our outings? Cougars are sleek, fast and could tear apart any menacing thug with misogynistic attitudes. They’re faster, smarter and more beautiful than the average bitter 40 year old man with an entitled-feeling cock. So rrrraww.
- 22 comments
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Fuck Politeness 
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Don
said
Could we call the male equivalent, um, Pythons, because they slither around, sleazily seeking sexy young shielas?
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fuckpoliteness
said
Hey, now that’s not bad.
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serehfa
said
Carpet snakes, perhaps? A bit weedier than a python, and lower. Much lower.
I’m avoiding the obvious one-eyed trouser snake.
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sleepydumpling
said
I love the idea of Pythons! Brilliant!
Great post FP. I’ve been thinking the same thing for some time now. But isn’t it how it’s always been? What is ok for the fellas, is “disgusting” for females? I mean, look at the whole bachelor/spinster thing? The male is all about being free and easy and fun, the female is a dried up, bitter, horrid old prune.
Just more of the same double standard really.
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fuckpoliteness
said
Yep…same shit, different day. Just shat me to see it on the ‘front page’ of the SMH site today, you know, the casualness of the derogation.
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fuckpoliteness
said
Carpet snakes could work…sound a bit too harmless/friendly though.
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newswithnipples
said
What about rhinos? Old, leathery and horny. Except that men who coug aren’t considered creepy at all – just, as you say, normal dudes. Look at the vitriol directed at any young woman who goes out with an older famous/rich guy – she’s clearly nothing but a “gold digger”. Except that the guy is using his wealth and fame to attract a woman who would normally be “out of his league”. So it’s a win-win situation. But yet again, the woman is at fault somehow.
Sorry about the long comment, but I also hate the term cougar. It’s so predatory. And the article in the Herald had a photo of two attractive women, one 35, the other 40ish, as though 35 is somehow old and over the hill and she should be at home with a cup of tea watching The Bill. It’s all about putting women in their place because single women over 40 are more likely to be financially secure and emotionally secure, which is threatening to Dude Nation.
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fuckpoliteness
said
Hehe, I like ‘rhino’ and your reasoning…that’s the thing though, whatever name we come up with it’ll never have the same stigma because men being predatory/pervy/wanting to bone some young hot chick even when they’re ‘old’ is considered natural and normal and even admirable.
Yes, that fucking golddigger thing shits me too. AND the whole nerds-angry-that-hot-chicks-are-shallow-and-don’t-dig-them-even-though-they’re-shallow-and-want-model-hot-chicks-and-disregard-personality-themselves!
Knock yourself out with long comments! You’re right on with your criticisms.
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newswithnipples
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I hate the whole ‘it’s natural for older men to chase young women because they’re still able to father children’ bullshit argument. We don’t throw our shit out the window into the street anymore either, which used to be considered the normal, natural thing to do. And the older men who are chasing much young women are very rarely looking to have children. Ooh, someone’s a little cranky this morning.
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fuckpoliteness
said
Greetings, Sister-in-Crankiness! 🙂
Yeah that’s not the usual one I hear – usually it’s about cocks and how OF COURSE they’re up for it if the chick’s hot enough, no matter how young, no matter if the guy is married (and men with an ounce of grey matter/self control/desire for ‘women’ not ‘girls’ and gay men don’t exist in the equation) but chicks don’t have cocks and therefore no libido. Nothing on THEM stands up right? The whole clitoris/vagina combo is totally passive and neutral – female bodies don’t (or shouldn’t) just *desire* in the same ways as men’s and are merely there to provide the ‘gift’ of sex/the locale for sex to men. We are a benificent bunch (again with no ‘gayness’ allowed unless it Hot Hetero Porn Gayness).
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exford legs
said
Hi FP,
How is ‘cougar’ a derogatory term? Is it not on the same page as ‘hen’, ‘stag’ and ‘buck’?
Doesn’t the SMH article celebrate the phenomenon, eg. ‘Mr Salt said cougars were a product of female empowerment over the past 20 years. ”These women are educated, they are successful in life and work and they are not afraid or shamed to be single as I think was the case, unfortunately, for men and women in the 1980s and earlier.’?
To me, the term implies litheness and strength.
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fuckpoliteness
said
I’ve let your comment through but I don’t think I’ll be explaining (again) why I think cougar is derogatory.
For the record though I think ‘hen’ is derogatory (silly, chattery, brainless) whereas ‘stag’ and ‘buck’ are about virility. These attributes are gendered. Men are *supposed* to be strong/virile. Women (proper women) are supposed to be passive, girlish, giggly – not strong. See the disgust/outrage over Serena Williams and her physique. Cougars need a name – they can’t just *be* women who happen to be single, they are a ‘type’ a ‘species’, a non-human-thing, on the prowl to fulfill animal lusts. It may imply strength, but it’s a strength that is disapproved of in women. I didn’t read the article and wasn’t discussing it. I hate the term, I noted it in the headline and that’s what I’m discussing.
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exford legs
said
FP, take the Chinese Zodiac as an example of attributing animal (and mythical, in the case of the dragon) traits to people.
I think that ‘cougar’ came about as a positive term for a sexually assertive woman who goes for younger guys.
I don’t think ‘Hen’ is really derogatory either. Hens can keenly sense danger. No farmyard/jungle/mountain wilderness/Zodiac term beats the endearing poignancy of ‘old duck’ for an arthritic old woman, though.
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fuckpoliteness
said
Ah, but we *aren’t* talking about Chinese horoscopes. We’re talking about Western mainstream media labelling women who break the mold with a rather derisory term. If they’re hot strong women, why not call them that?
I understand that *you think* it came about as a positive term, and that *you don’t think* that hen is derogatory. (As an aside, dogs have great hearing and loyalty but that’s not what is meant when someone calls a woman a ‘dog’ or a ‘bitch’ is it?). And for real? Call me an Old Duck when I’m older and I will beat your head with my walking stick – well I won’t because I don’t care for violence, but I’ll give you a tongue lashing so severe you’d wish *you* could fly south for the winter. You like it? How fantastic for you. Don’t presume it’s not offensive to others. It’s delightful for you that you find the positives in these things, but if you wouldn’t mind I’d like to discuss the more structural elements at play.
Rather than randomly discussing Chinese Horoscopes or your own personal preferences, or that you feel it’s a term of fondness (I’m sure MILF is meant that way at times too, doesn’t make it less bad) I wouldn’t mind if you actually engaged with some of the points I raised – like the gendered nature of who’s allowed what attributes, the socio-linguisitic construction of meanings and of heirarchies, the negative reaction to women with physical strength etc.
And my net connection is playing up, else I would give you the link to Kristen Schaal who did a piece on the term Cougar and illustrated beautifully how dehumanising it was ‘Ohh, look at her shiny COAT!!’. Anyone else with some spare time care to drop that link? Educational and one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.
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exford legs
said
dailyshow.com streams aren’t available in the country that I’m in, however I think I have seen Kristen Schaal’s skit on tv before.
FP, prove to me that 20-something women didn’t make up the phrase ‘cougar’, after having their 20-something male quarry nabbed by a quick and confident older woman. Prove to me that the term came from patriarchy and not a female source. The previous comments about ‘rhino’ and ‘snake’ don’t help your case.
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fuckpoliteness
said
exford legs – I have put forward a proposition, you have put forward a counter proposition – I have given reasons, you have giving ‘feelings’ about animals and disengenuous comparisons to Chinese Horoscopes and finding positive attributes in hens. Now you demand that I ‘prove’ things, things indeed that I’ve not said. You must be fairly new to this game of feminist-baiting if you think for a second that I’d claim that the patriarchy and ‘female sources’ are mutually exclusive. Just because a woman says it/thinks it doesn’t mean it’s not patriarchal logic. Good god. And *no* exford legs, I will not be told to ‘prove’ things by someone pulling their reasoning straight out of their arse. 20 something women *may* have made up the term – it doesn’t change that it’s got a demeaning bent to it. If you’re assuming I’m of the ‘men=bad, evil, women=good, virtuous’ camp you’re sadly mistaken and perhaps you should learn to read more of a blog before deciding to be a pain in the arse. I’ve invited you to have a crack at discussing (and negating if you like) the points I’ve made about gender and society and language and expectations – so far all you’ve given me in return is the utterly disengenuous comparison to Chinese Astrology and your own warm fuzzy feelings towards animals. Given that I spent time questioning your logic and requesting that you engage with the main points and given you’ve not ever bothered to try and do so and are now playing the denialist trump card of ‘prove it’ I think I’m done here. You don’t actually want to engage, just to assert your superiority. And gee whiz, I sure would feel superior if my arguments consisted of ‘I like hens’. Your comments about…well anything…don’t help your case, and the rhino and snake comments come from other people you will notice, people trying to find an equally derisive way to refer to older men who are after picking up younger women. Learn to read.
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fuckpoliteness
said
By the way exford legs, when I say ‘I’m done’ here, let me be clear: you’ve not bothered at all to engage with or counteract any of the points I’ve made in the post, you’ve not ‘proven’ anything yourself and yet you’re demanding proof, you’re misunderstanding (or deliberately misconstruing arguments) – ie/ if 20 something women made it up to describe older women who ‘stole’ their ‘quarry’ (gag) it STILL says older women should not be out ‘hunting’ – they should be home knitting booties and popping out babies. Given that you can’t or won’t engage, when I say I’m done here I mean I’m putting you on the blacklist – you’ve shown you’re not interested in either dialogue or any form of mutual argument, so I’m not pretending you are. I have better things to do than argue with ‘Hens can keenly sense danger’, particularly when you just refuse to engage with the counter arguments (ie/ the stuff about dogs having good hearing and that’s NOT what is meant when a woman is called a dog) and resort to ‘prove it’. Go find another poster to harrass in your spare time.
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Jaa
said
Cougar. I always took it to mean other-ed pussy. So clever.
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su
said
If Cougartown was about a woman who, in the dead of night, went and raided the neighbour’s chicken coop, crapped on their lawn and occasionally disembowelled stray hikers, I’d totally watch it!
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fuckpoliteness
said
Ah…that comment delighted me. No doubt the hens would be okay, sensing imminent danger and…well still getting eaten.
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The Down Under Feminists Carnival is here! « The Radical Radish
said
[…] presence in popular culture and thankfully this is being critiqued. Fuck Politeness writes of Karaoke and cougars. Julie at The Hand Mirror suggests that there has been Vileness, and a bit of irony, from Air NZ and […]
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fuckpoliteness
said
Via the 21 Downunder Feminists Carnival, Luddite Journo analyses and oh-so-amusing ad on cougars that blows the ‘it’s a term of affection’ theory out of the water.
http://ludditejourno.wordpress.com/2010/01/24/those-damn-cougars-just-wont-lie-back-and-think-of-england/