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Fuck Politeness

This is a revolution, not a public relations movement

Mini-FP and I decided to hire out a whole bunch of old-school sci-fi dvds a while back.

To our disappointment, when we got home we had picked up not the old, but the new version of Planet of the Apes.

Still, I was secretly looking forward to it. I was intrigued at the time, and hey – Tim Burton, it couldn’t be bad, right?

WRONG. I. HATE. That MOTHERFUCKING film.

There was *nothing* good about it.

I brought this up in conversation at dinner last night and while most everyone agreed with my assessment, one guy there said ‘Still, Helena Bonham-Carter was a pretty hot monkey’. This cements for me my long-held suspicion that it doesn’t matter if she’s any good from here on in, that many people have not gotten over their initial reaction to her character in Fight Club. She now apparently has such a hold on imaginations that if she acts poorly and looks like an incredibly fake prosthetic monkey they’ll still think she’s awesomely sexy.

Power to them but nothing was saving that movie for me. And as for me I found her monkey-persona to be incredibly fucking irritating and not in the *least* sexy. Cliched hammy over the top goodie-two-shoes ‘activist’ with no complexity, no ‘Wow, monkeys are kind of like humans’* revelations, no depth, nothing. Her scripting was bad but her mannerisms were so cheesy that by the end of it I wanted to cut off her damned fake-monkey head!

I was in shock…I kept looking desperately for something to redeem the film, some little glimmer of Burton’s genius, some evidence that Bonham-Carter or Marky Mark could act, some plot twist, some SOMETHING but so help me god, it was ALL. BAD.

I don’t know if this is in homage to the first film being bad and cheesy (I haven’t seen it yet) but even so: all it produced was a shithouse, boring, waste of time film. I want that time back!

*Though she did lean in to Marky Mark and say hammily ‘We’re not so different…’

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