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Fuck Politeness

This is a revolution, not a public relations movement

So Tigtog’s Femmostroppo Reader for July 24 turned up an absolute gem.

How many times have you heard women blamed directly or indirectly for their own rape, or warned off of such crazily dangerous behaviours as getting drunk, being out at night, walking alone or flirting? All of these freedoms allowed to boys/men with no thought that if they are raped they invited it/if they are beaten it’s their fault.

With regards to rape, the fact is that these warnings are fundamentally and irredeemably wrong – they obscure the what’s really going on, of who is in the wrong, of everything we know statistically about rape – that it doesn’t matter what you look like, what you’re wearing, how drunk you are, if you are out or home, or walking at night.

In asking women to take responsibility, they make rape the woman’s fault, they insinuate that she invited this violent intrusion, that she must have wanted it, that she could have prevented it had she wanted to. They make avoiding rape the woman’s responsibility rather than placing the responsibility exactly where it lies – with the rapist (and with society’s ‘boys will be boys’ attitude and society’s totally fucked up attitudes to gender and responsiblity).

This stuff is well covered, I’ve read many an amazing demolition of such victim blaming, blame shifting bullshit by feminists over the years (and when I get a moment I’ll place some links but being at work I ought to quickly finish this post) and the notion that rape is not the woman’s fault or the woman’s responsibility to avoid is just so freaking basic that it’s astonishing that there are still people who can disagree.

So when you get yet another person mosey along who has not bothered to think it through peroperly, who has not bothered to read the demolitions, engage with the statistics, or think about it from any other position except their kneejerk decisions about what is ‘just common sense’, it is, understandably infuriating in the extreme.

The post below is a response to the justification of warning women off drinking/flirting/walking alone/being out at night, etc etc etfuckingcetera. The claim is that men are also warned on the risks of their behaviour, and I guess that therefore things are equal and all anyone is doing is asking for people to ‘take responsibility for themselves’ which is fair and just and righteous and only fools would disagree, and this post is an absolute cracker of a response to such claims.

Men are NOT blamed for their assaults (and should they be raped, they are NOT blamed for their rapes) in anywhere near the same ways as women are, and likewise they are not in any similar way expected to ‘avoid’ someone else’s perpetration of a violent crime upon their person by giving up their rights to live freely, to party, to drink, to flirt, to be out, to be home, to know and trust others, to kiss, to dance, to enjoy self determination.

Don’t minimise the double standards at play people, don’t act like it’s the same because it just is fucking well not.

So please go read it because it’s comprehensive and well written and important.

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