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Fuck Politeness

This is a revolution, not a public relations movement

So for YEARS I refused to be assisted with heavy objects due to being a “girl”. I carried everything, moved everything, carried large and unwieldy objects with determination, nay enthusiasm. Sadly, given that I HATED sports, I had v little in the way of muscular support, and then I had a baby and now my back is F.UCK.ED. So NOW I have learnt my lesson. I hire movers. Except then I have guilt. So then I help them and I spend the next two days in bed unable to walk. But I get this ANGST when people are moving my belongings.

I bought a fridge from a friend moving overseas. He and his brother turned up to move it in. My best friend and I stood by, tried to help, were of marginal assistance at one point, but for the rest, just kind of stood awkwardly, trying not to get in the way or flap around too much. I just…what do you do?

I mean, yes, women absolutely CAN move whitegoods. I have done it before, and I am no beefcake bodybuilder. So plenty o women out there would be just as capable. But my friend is kinda tiny and I have a fucked up back, and these two guys were here to move the fridge.

So you KNOW you can’t help right, there are two people here to do the moving, and those are the only two people that can fit around a fridge moving it through tight doorways and up and down stairs. You KNOW that those two are the two that make the most sense, and therefore that there is nothing you can really do. You WANT to offer help, but you also know from having done it yourself that you have ZERO headspace when trying not to bust your gut/jam your fingers/fall down the stairs and end up with the fridge on top of you and you ending up flat like Wile. E. Coyote or something, so the LAST thing you need is nervous and futile offers of help.

So then you stay OUT of the way, but any chatter you have is tainted with “BUT I’M NOT HELPING!!!”.

Or perhaps it’s just another example of overthinking. But you know…you feel like your reputation as a feminist “traps” you here. Like “Oh yeah? You’re a feminist??? I don’t see YOU lifting this fridge” as if fridge-toting is a precondition of any claim to equality. Oh kids? You want rights? How about you move this fridge then. No? Well shut up! (I wanna be clear that no one involved in the fridge moving is actually saying or implying this, this is me rambling crap about my nervous guilt when other people lift things for me).

Anyway. Really, all I’m doing right now is procrastinating with the essay writing some more.

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